I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
