dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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