so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize