he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
