4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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