i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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