Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
