Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
where are my eyebrows?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
