So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
