what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
