I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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