seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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