Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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