i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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