Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My penis needs a shock collar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
