tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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