The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
