I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
