my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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