You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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