If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
