Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
