pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
