he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
