Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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