My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
