did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
