the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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