You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
