Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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