He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
