So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
