I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
