I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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