If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
COCAINE IS GR8
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
