First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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