You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
