He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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