Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
