Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
