I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
