She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
