Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
