I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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