I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love having hate sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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