its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
