: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize