Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
