people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
