I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize