He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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