I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
