Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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