In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
