You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
