the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
