i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
