She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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