ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
