its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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