Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
